I was recently competing with a friend for a spot and lost out to my own laziness and confusion.
Now I feel especially lost, I have no clear goals, and I don't know how to try to change myself. It's always a three-minute rush, and I especially regret it afterward, but I just can't stick with it.
Hello, Mr. Owner! From your description, it seems that you failed in a competition because you didn't stick to it, so you blamed it on your "three-minute enthusiasm" and wanted to change.
Come to think of it, there seem to be some underlying ideas hidden in your words: for example, life must always have a goal and persist in the struggle, giving up is always bad, perseverance is always good, I can't persevere in everything because of laziness and confusion, which are not good; even if there is no reason to hold on to it, and so on. But do these ideas really stand up?
I think you may have sensed that these beliefs are a bit absolute. You're probably a motivated person or have been brought up to keep trying. It's good to be motivated, but if you can only go in and out of life, it's like a piano that plays 24/7 but never takes care of itself, sooner or later the strings will break.
Did you know? Our consciousness is only a small part of our brain's activity, and a lot of things like breathing and hormone production are automatically controlled by the brain. No matter how much you want to fight, the brain will make judgments based on real signals, and sometimes it knows better than we do.
You say you want to make an effort, but your brain realizes that you're actually not very interested, so when you push yourself further, it reminds you: don't lie to yourself, the focus isn't even there. As a result, persistence quickly collapses.
In fact, most of the things in life are three-minute hot, only a few will naturally become habits, no need to insist. It's just that we've been misled by certain notions that we need to hold on to everything, but we haven't learned to try and let go.
Of course, changing perceptions doesn't happen overnight, but I hope my answer has inspired you a bit. Gains and losses are sometimes not that clear-cut. Keep trying, keep tripping, maybe because you're young and haven't experienced enough to find what you really love. Besides trying, listen to your inner voice. Maybe what's holding you back is your protective mechanism, and one day you'll come across a reason to give it your all.