In a recent depressive outburst, I wrote down many complaints about my parents in my journal, which they accidentally read.
The content mainly blames them for not understanding me enough, and I feel that my current state has a lot to do with them, such as them being too controlling. In fact, since I was a child, it has never been easy to get along with my parents, from the amount of toothpaste squeezed, what kind of food I eat, what kind of clothes I wear, to how I talk, they nagged me over and over again.
I'm naturally skinny and can't put on weight no matter how much I eat, but they still say I'm a picky eater at every meal, a topic that's been talked about for over twenty years.
Whenever they make a dish that I don't like, they can't stop chanting about it.
I'm 25 years old, once I bought myself a denim jacket without telling them in advance, they said it was ugly and dragged me to return it for a replacement, I went but my heart was especially stifled.
They always love to point out when I buy clothes in general, which causes me to have no confidence in what I'm wearing now, and I'm always self-doubting.
But when I see my mom sad, I feel guilty and will remember how good she was to me. I'm especially conflicted right now, regretting writing those words in my diary, but I can't help but think, is it really my fault? I'm falling apart. What should I do?
First of all, give your friend a warm hug, I don't think you've done anything wrong, it's just that we all live in different circumstances and think differently.
From the parents' point of view, they feel that everything they do is for the good of their children, and they want to provide the best conditions for their children, from studying and working to the daily routine of small things are all very considerate. But is this really what the child needs? Do they really know what their children want? The child is not a machine, can not just follow the program, she has their own ideas and feelings, need to be respected and understood, but parents often do not realize this.
From a friend's point of view, you've been trying hard to be a good kid in your parents' minds, doing your best to meet their expectations, but receiving little affirmation or encouragement. Keep a diary because you also need to have your own space and decision-making power, even making mistakes is part of growing up, instead of being denied all the time. Parents should be guides on the way to growth, not controllers.
There is no absolute right or wrong when it comes to parent-child relationships, just like a pony crossing a river. Parents use their experience to educate their children, but over-protection is like keeping a flower in a greenhouse, which cannot stand the storm. True protection should be giving children some free space, giving advice when they may make mistakes, and letting them learn to think independently, which is more helpful for growth.
However, many parents do not realize this and will bind their children with traditional concepts, resulting in limited development and even self-denial. Therefore, friends now need to learn to protect themselves first, and slowly try to make their own decisions.
For example, start with living and working independently; you are 25 years old and can assess your ability to work or your career interests. Financial independence is the key. Although it's difficult to start, you can take your time and don't need to have a showdown with your parents right away. Some things can go in one ear and out the other, so you can build up your savings and abilities first, and gradually improve yourself.
I'm Little Van Pot, the world and I love you.