Sometimes you just lose control of your emotions, you even want to destroy everything inside, you can't control your emotions, you can't control your emotions, you can't control your emotions.
It's inevitable that life will bring things that set people on fire. Every time this happens, I would confide in my family and friends, who gave me a lot of comfort, useful advice and encouragement. However, when I face that bad thing and the person involved again, I still can't hold my fire and will suddenly explode. Obviously, many times it is the other person who does something wrong, but to outsiders, it seems like it is all my fault.
My friends say that I am a very contradictory person, usually I can tolerate it, but once it explodes, I can't take it back, and I often end up making a mess.
This has caused me a great deal of distress. I've lost good friends and missed good opportunities in my career because of my emotional outbursts. But even though I know the consequences, I still can't change this problem. Sometimes my emotions come and go, and I get so irritated that I want to destroy everything, but after I'm done venting, I regret it.
So I'm asking, can emotions really get completely out of control? How exactly do you control these sudden strong emotions?
Hello! I'm glad to answer your question. I used to be like you and was plagued by emotional outbursts for decades, but now I've improved a lot. Here are some of my tips and experiences that I hope will help you.
1. It is normal for everyone to have emotional reactions to external things, which is proof that we are alive. Any emotion that arises has a reason for being there and has value to you. For example, fear can help you avoid danger, and anxiety can make you prepare harder for challenges. As for anger, which gives you headaches, I think it's a way you're defending your ego, helping you to be aware of your existence and boundaries, and to protect yourself from aggression. However, if your self-awareness is not clear and stable enough, you tend to feel angry a lot.
2. Even if someone has said or done something to you that you should not have said or done, and has caused you to be hurt, it is reasonable for you to feel angry. But I want to gently remind you of the following:
The inappropriate words and actions of others are really a projection of their inner world, reflecting their own perceptions and ideas. If you don't agree with it, it's perfectly fine to walk away or express your opinion in an appropriate way that upholds your own boundaries and interests.
But if you feel particularly aggravated or angry during the process, it means you are subconsciously identifying with their projections.
For example, if someone criticizes you for doing something wrong or poorly, this is actually imposing their own standards on you and judging or blaming you.
If you don't agree with it at all in your heart, you might just laugh it off or simply explain it. But if you're particularly angry, it means that you subconsciously accept their opinion, that's why you care so much, and your emotions come up.
Therefore, when you encounter similar situations in the future, the key is not to hold back your emotions or explode directly, but to reflect and analyze
a. Why are you so angry? What point of view did you subconsciously identify with the other person? Why this identification? Is it the result of some past experience or inherent perception?
b. In what other situations do you unconsciously experience similar emotions and behaviors? What are the reasons?
c. What kind of person are you? What are some character traits? How do these relate to your experiences?
Through such introspection and analysis, after some time, you will definitely know yourself better and your ego will be more stable.
3. If the other person's words or actions do bring about bad consequences, then deal with the matter itself calmly and express your position clearly, not necessarily by losing your temper.
4. With regard to your statement that "to outsiders, everything is my fault", is this true? Or do you feel that way yourself? If necessary, you can verify this and it may help you to understand yourself better.
I can see that you are more concerned about the approval of others, and such people tend to have an unstable ego. First of all, you have to recognize yourself and understand your own behavioral patterns and principles. Other people's opinions can be referenced to help you with your self-understanding, but you must have your own opinions, and other people's ideas are just references.
If you think someone is right, accept it; if not, listen and forget it, don't accept their projections and approval so easily.
Recognize yourself first, understand yourself, accept yourself, and hold on to what you need to hold on to.