I often genuinely try to be nice to people, but then I realize that they don't appreciate it or even treat me badly. At this point, I would regret what I had done before, feel foolish and start to blame myself. I would think that if I could be a bit more arrogant and self-centered, others might not dare to treat me this way. I kind of resented those people who were bullies. So, I often remind myself that I can't be too soft-hearted, that I need to be tougher on others, to think more of myself, to be more selfish, just to protect myself from getting hurt again. I don't want to change this mindset because I know that once I relax, I'll be back to my easily hurt self again. I don't want to regret it on my deathbed, so I choose not to forgive certain people so that I can truly love and protect myself. I have to keep this lesson in mind because others won't change, I can only change myself.
I understand that past experiences have left you feeling disappointed and bitter, emotions that can easily lead to self-blame and distrust of others. But I want to remind you that treating others with hostility doesn't really make you feel fulfilled or protected.
First of all, your kindness is a valuable quality. Just because someone lets you down doesn't mean it's wrong for you to do good. The key is to set clear boundaries and protect yourself, not retaliate with malice.
Remember that everyone is unique. People who are kind to you don't always reciprocate in the same way, but that doesn't mean kindness isn't right. We need to understand that we can't control others, but we can control how we react.
How about focusing more on your own mental growth. For example, learning to say no, establishing healthy relationship boundaries, and becoming more aware of your value so you can take better care of yourself.
If you feel unable to move on from the past, or if your mood is always low, consider seeking the help of a counselor. They can walk you through these emotions and provide personalized support.
Most importantly, don't dismiss your own kindness because of others. Self-preservation is important, but kindness and self-preservation can go hand in hand. Find a balance, cultivate a positive mindset, and love yourself as well as be kind to others.