I find that I'm not very grateful sometimes, and when someone is kind enough to help, if it's not help I really need, I may not remember the favor too much.
If the other person accidentally offended me afterward, I wouldn't voluntarily recall her previous kindness to me.
But if her help happened to be something I desperately needed, I would be tempted to double back.
In addition, I am prone to distrust of others. Once I notice the slightest hint of danger and I begin to suspect the other person, I will unconsciously take an antagonistic stance, refuse to compromise, and speak with a bit of aggressiveness to embarrass the other person, but I don't feel good in my own heart after the fight.
I know I'm not mature enough, but I don't know how to improve myself. When I read those growth articles, they always feel like chicken soup. Do I have to suffer in order to grow up?
Xiaoyuan answers:
1. when someone gives you help you don't need, that doesn't actually fulfill your needs, you don't have to be grateful. An offense is an offense, and even if a person has been nice to you, there is no reason why they can offend you. It's like giving you a candy and then slapping you, would you like that?
2. Not trusting others is just a superficial phenomenon, the key is that you do not believe in yourself enough to doubt others. Think about it, if a person doesn't even believe in himself, how can he truly believe in others? This is called the projection effect in psychology. Simply put, how you treat yourself is how you will treat others. That's why there is the saying, "Those who love others love others".