How to find a breakthrough when you want to be friends so badly and can't get into her life? ,
I'm 17 years old and a girl, and I recently met a particularly attractive girl who I'd really like to be friends with. However, she doesn't seem too enthusiastic about me and always has a "casual" attitude when she talks to me, which is a bit confusing.
Whenever I try to approach her, she never comes to me, and I have to make all kinds of chance encounters to talk to her, because it's the only way to talk for a while. God, how can making a friend be as tiring as chasing someone?
I feel... There's a mental distance between me and her, like a layer of fog.
When I see her having fun with other people, I start to get upset, anxious, even confused and don't know what to do.
When we chatted, she would share some of her daily routines with me, but it was always as if she was defending herself from strangers and couldn't talk about deeper aspects of her life.
(I do share my life, at least the chat is a two way street)
Most of the time, she's lecturing me: like she wants me to be happy and to do more happy things.
Make me like a patient who needs comfort... In fact, I just want to have a simple chat with you, it's not that complicated.
To repeat my main question:
For years now, I've always had trouble with intimacy, every time I've made friends I've been as anxious and unable to find a breakthrough, I struggle for a while and then give up, and my relationships have always been very narrow.
Enhance your life (I won't mention much about this aspect :))
What does everyone do in this situation?
How do you find a breakthrough? Thank you all!
Hi! Let me start by giving you a warm virtual hug. I'm glad to see you share, it makes me feel your inner desire for acceptance and understanding.
From your description, it seems that this dating anxiety is not just for this girl, but a common pattern in your relationships. Now that you've realized the pain that comes with this pattern, now is a good time to try to change it.
The first step to change is to accept yourself. Accept that you are sometimes afraid to take the initiative to express your needs, and then try to become aware of the real needs behind those withdrawn behaviors: for example, are you afraid of rejection or denial? What does that mean to you? Does it feel like you're not good enough?
Being rejected is actually quite common in interpersonal relationships because everyone has a choice. Being rejected is often not about you as a person, but about the way or attitude, right?
So try to be true to yourself while being afraid, express feelings and needs in your time together, and take the initiative to speak up about your appreciation, especially for those you admire.
At the same time, it's important to consciously improve your self-acceptance and self-confidence. Only when you recognize yourself from the inside and believe that you deserve to be treated well, can you be more comfortable in relationships.
Our relationship with the outside world actually reflects our relationship with ourselves. Only with inner harmony can we build healthy interpersonal bonds.
I'm Lily Little Ears from the Answer Library, and the world and I are rooting for you!