My parents' fierce opposition makes me feel as if there is no other way out but to hurt myself?
When I went to college, I fell in love for the first time, full of joy to share this joy with their parents, I did not realize that they do not even understand who the other side, based on family conditions alone that I have poor eyesight, strongly opposed. I can not carry their storm, had to say break up, but privately still want to continue to deal with.
Then we got along and thought he was smart and reliable, and we've always had a good relationship, so we just kept talking about it.
Once my parents accidentally found out, they actually threatened me with death, I was under a lot of academic pressure and couldn't cope, so I had to choose to hide it.
Now that we both have stable jobs, we want to fight for our parents' approval, but they are even more angry, thinking that I shouldn't be looking for someone in such a condition, so angry that they beat themselves up, get sick, drop things, and keep blaming me.
I know I'm breaking their expectations, but I'm a human being with feelings, too.
I feel like there is no way out of this, they have not been receptive from the beginning, they just want to force me to make the "right" choice, and it seems like I've known for a long time that they won't change unless something happens to me.
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I've never completely fallen out with them because my heart aches for my mom, who grew up with a lack of love and has given so much to her family, but her violent reactions and physical problems have left me feeling guilty and aggravated and not knowing what to do.
Does everyone have to live to make their home better and their parents happy to be happiest? I don't know how to get along in the future either.
Sometimes I even have the urge to look at my wrists as I listen to their endless harsh words.
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Hugs to you first, sweetie.
You and your boyfriend have a good relationship, but you can't get the recognition and support of your parents, instead, you are forced to break up, forcing you to break up. You feel guilty, aggrieved and confused, with nowhere to vent the pain in your heart, and even want to relieve it by hurting yourself.
From your description, I can see that the main reason your parents reacted so violently is because they don't approve of your boyfriend and don't think he's good enough for them.
At the same time, you have deep affection and filial piety for your parents and deep feelings for your boyfriend, so you are caught in the middle and don't know how to choose.
Also, it is evident that your parents have always treated you in a controlling way, demanding that you do exactly as they tell you and that everything has to fit their expectations. They have high expectations of you and think that you have to find someone who is exceptionally well qualified.
It can be said that your parents have your best interests at heart, but their concepts and ways are wrong. They think that you will be happy only if you do things their way, that marriage is only about material conditions, and that everything is fine if the conditions are good.
But they ignore your emotional needs and personal feelings, forgetting that you are an adult and independent individual who also has the right to make choices and decisions.
Even if you hurt yourself, they may not soften or give in, but instead may trigger your mother to fight back with even more intense self-harm.
You, on the other hand, may have grown up under the control of your parents for a long time, getting used to their ways, internalizing their ideas and relying on them. You have deep feelings for your parents, so you've always wanted your boyfriend to have their approval.
You asked."Everyone is happiest when they do what makes their parents happy too for the betterment of their family right?" In fact, this is exactly the belief that you hold in your heart, you want to satisfy your parents but can't let go of your boyfriend, that's why you are in a dilemma.
Think about it, if you obeyed your parents and gave up your boyfriend to get married to someone who met their criteria, how high would the criteria have to be? Would those conditions mean anything to you? Can you fulfill them? Are you marrying for yourself or for your parents? Are you living your life for yourself or for someone else? Will you be happy?
Facing this conflict requires courage to look straight inside. Let me give you some advice:
1. Let go of the fantasy of expecting your parents to change for a moment and understand what they are thinking, but don't let your emotions hurt you.
2. See the irrationality of your parents' behavior, avoid falling into the trap of emotional blackmail, and keep your bottom line.
3. Change false beliefs such as "you have to make your parents happy"; there is no one who says that children have to be completely obedient.
4, learn to keep a distance from the family of origin, do not overly dependent on or to please parents, be an independent person, have their own opinions.
5. Try to communicate with your parents and express your thoughts. If they still don't accept it, you can move out first and give each other space to calm down.
6. Plan for your and your boyfriend's future so that you are more prepared and secure to face the pressure.
7. Happiness is a matter of choosing for yourself and then taking responsibility for yourself.
I hope my words give you some courage and strength.
Good luck.